Lazy Baby Mama

Yo check out my shows page, I added a date!

Yes only one so far but there will be more to come

I’ve noticed lately that I’m not as calm under pressure as I assume I am. In my fantasies of being a CIA operative I’m as cool and collected as James Bond … I have a vision of myself as Angelina Jolie in Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Well a few events have happened in the past few days that brought to light the startling fact that I’m less like Mrs. Smith and more like Mr. Bean.

Last night I was on my way down the stairs when I slipped and fell down the last three steps. A shorts ways to fall, but I hit my lower back on all three steps as I slid down. I think I blacked out from pain but apparently I was screaming, “oh god, I broke it, it’s broken, everything is broken.”  When I finally gathered myself I noticed my husband was standing over me in confusion (he wasn’t trying to pick me up or lay me down, he was just hovering. Even my two year old was looking at him like: “that’s not helping”). My mother was frantically trying to get me some ice and my brother just stood at the top of the stairs laughing at me. I was fine, I have a bruise on my back and I wouldn’t be surprised if I pee blood in a few days.

After I lied on the couch for an hour it dawned on me that I should be able to control myself in precarious situations. Another incident happened while I was at a bank. I saw a man walking in from the parking lot with his hood up. I automatically assumed he was coming to rob the bank and instead of nonchalantly leavings the building, my first thought was to tackle the woman in front of me to protect her. I’m still not sure what tackling her would have protected her from; it probably would have injured her. The man didn’t even end up coming into the bank; he went to the liquor store next door. I’m just glad in this situation I took a “panic-protective” role rather than victim like I had in the stair incident.

I guess I have a ways to go before I make it to the CIA, but I think being able to handle baby vomit is a pretty good start.

As some of you may know, my husband and I currently reside in the laundry room of my parents’ house.  It’s a pretty huge room so we have plenty of space; but we’re often kept up at night because my youngest brother forgets to put his school uniform in the machine at a decent hour, then at 10pm he realizes he needs it for the morning.  I would like to make him wear a dirty uniform to teach him a lesson one day, but that’s just because I’m a jerk. 

About 6 months ago my husband took the day off to stay home with our sick daughter.  He heard a strange sound coming from our room (a.k.a the laundry room) and went to check it out.  When he looked behind the dryer he saw a bright orange glow, so he casually went outside to where my mother was smoking a cigarette and said, “Lisa, I think your dryer is on fire.”  Then he went and sat back down on the couch with the baby while my mom frantically searched for the fire extinguisher.  It’s probably not the most appropriate reaction to a fire, I’m pretty sure they never told you to “go back to what you are doing when you notice a fire” in school.  I’m glad Dan can play it cool in an emergency situation, but I think there is such a thing as “too cool.”  Last time the fire alarm went off in our old apartment, it was 3pm and the baby and I were in the middle of a nap.  I wasn’t even dressed yet; i.e. I wasn’t wearing a bra and the baby had mismatched PJ’s on because I was going to give her a bath when she woke up.  Nevertheless, I grab the baby as is and go running out of the building, only to realize that I am the only person standing outside.  We have to walk over to the main office to see what’s going on, all the while “the girls” were hanging and Ali looked homeless.  It turns out it was a false alarm, but it was a normal reaction to the threat of a fire – leave the building.  I think Dan and I need to have a fire drill.

I digress…

So after my mom called 911 for the dryer the fire department came.  They said it was a problem with the belts in the dryer.   Luckily the rest of the house had been spared any damage, we just has to air out our room for a few hours.  The firemen took the dryer out of the room and left it in front of our garage.  We didn’t know what to do with it so we left it there; it was a very white trash moment. Then the snowstorms started and it was covered in snow for 3 months.  By the time the snow melted we all forgot it was out there, it pretty much just blended in with the garage doors for a while. Well, the other day my mom went outside for a cigarette and she noticed the dryer had disappeared. We asked everyone in the house if they knew where it went and no one knows.  I’m sure someone saw it and grabbed it for scrap metal, which is weird, they just same around and took what they wanted from our house.  We will never know the truth.

Check it out, it’s getting great feedback.

http://www.buzzfocus.com/2011/03/16/the-vampire-diaries-season-2-survival-guide/

When did peanuts become arsenic?  When I was looking for daycare I was kind of angry that none of them would allow peanut butter in the building.  Why should kids be deprived of their PB&J?  One of my co-workers came in the other day and was talking about what she was going to eat for lunch; it being lent she was complaining about not being able to eat meat. She told me she packed her daughter a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch (gross, an old, soggy grilled cheese).  I asked her why she didn’t make her daughter a PB&J for lunch, an American classic.   She told me she tried to give her daughter a PB&J last week and her daughter said, “No mommy I want to sit with my friends at lunch”.  If you bring in peanuts you have to sit in the corner to eat your sandwich!” Wait, what???  How come the people who have peanut allergies aren’t the ones sitting in the corner by themselves?  When did people with peanut allergies become cool and the people who eat peanut butter become outcasts?

 I remember when I was a kid if you forgot your lunch you were served a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  That sandwich was probably prepared with the same knife that all other meals were prepared with.  And then you ate it in the middle of the cafeteria with all your friends. And guess what – nobody died.

 I understand that some kids have this allergy.  My cousin’s son has it (it’s actually my mother’s cousin’s son, so it’s what, my 3^rd cousin? My second cousin once removed?? Whatever, he’s on the tree somewhere).  His mom knows he has a problem and she doesn’t demand that at Christmas Eve we have a completely peanut free party.  No, she’ll bring some peanut free items and make sure he doesn’t try to sneak any Reese’s.  He is learning how to handle his situation. It’s doing the kids a disservice by treating them just like everyone else, because unfortunately they aren’t.  The kids who want to eat the peanut butter are not different, the kids who have the allergy are.  If the kids don’t understand how to deal with their own allergies they are not going to make it in the real world.  I know it’s scary and trust me if my daughter had a peanut allergy I would probably tackle anyone eating an Uncrustable in her vicinity, then my husband would be mortified and tell me to get a grip.

Hey check out my review of last night’s episode of glee on BUZZFOCUS.com

http://www.buzzfocus.com/2011/03/09/glee-season-2-episode-15-review-paltrow-raises-the-bar-on-sexy/

Oh the joys of a Chipotle burrito.  It is a flavor packed Mexican meat heaven.  The best part about Chipotle is the fact that it’s Weight Watchers approved!  In case you were wondering, Dan has joined the WW bandwagon.  So far it’s taken me 7 weeks to lose 10lbs, he’s lost 13 pounds in three weeks (I hate men).  Well Dan was excited to see that our favorite burrito was in reach, so we packed Ali up in the car and headed to our closest Chipotle.  If you’ve never been to a Chipotle, it’s set up like Subway; if you haven’t been to a Subway, you either live in the boonies or you think too highly of yourself.  When you walk in there is a queue where you wait to order your food.  When you reach the front of the line you order “vehicle” of choice (burrito, tacos, etc.) then you move down get your meat.  Amateurs go chicken, we pros go barbacoa (bar-bah-coe-ah … you better roll that R).  Next you grab your salsa, cheese, guacamole etc.  Now it is an unspoken rule that you DO NOT grab a table then wait on line.  It is not fair that I have to stand with my full tray looking at an empty dining room filled with “saved seats” when I would be finished scarfing my burrito before you even get to the front of the line!  And please, when did a cell phone become a placeholder? Coats and bags only people.  When I see your blackberry on the table I don’t think it’s saved, I think you forgot your phone and I hand it over to the lost and found.  I can understand that a lot of people don’t agree with the unspoken “no saved seats” rule.  Ok, I get it; eventually you will understand that it is for the good of Chipotle society.  But the worst of the worst is the “hoverer.”  DO NOT COME LURKING 3 FEET AWAY FROM MY TABLE WHILE I AM EATING TO STAKE YOUR CLAIM.  And no, it is not OK to wait until my husband goes to throw out the garbage to come over to me and ask, “Are you guys leaving?”  FYI when you do that, I’m staying an extra 15 minutes to finish my soda, so no, I’m not leaving.  SO people next time I go out to one of my only diet approved eateries please know the rules! 

I’ve been going to the same pediatrician for over 18 years. I went to them as a child and now I take my daughter there. I’ve had nothing but great experiences, the doctors are good at what they do and care about their patients. Today, was a completely different story. My daughter puked last night then was up with a 102 fever. When I called the office they said my regular doctor was full but I can see Dr. Ass (not his real name, but very close). My mother warned me about Dr. Ass, she said he was creepy ( I can handle creepy, I just want my daughter better).

We get to the doctors office and he examines her. He tells me it’s just a cold. Now I know nothing about baby diseases, (this is why I have the pediatrician on speed-dial) but you can’t tell me a cold produces a 102 fever. He’s about to just pack up and leave, (no instructions and doesn’t even care if I have any questions). So I stop him and ask if he’s sure it’s just a cold? His response was “well, I can do a flu test but I don’t know if your insurance covers it.” Excuse me? This is my daughter, if you think she needs a flu test, give the damn girl a flu test! I don’t know what your priorities are, but mine is my daughter. This is not how you treat a patient, like I’m just a bill not a person. And whydidn’t you bring this up before you left? Are you hinting that I could have brought my 2 year old daughter home to sit with flu, while I’m thinking it’s a cold? Dr. Ass then finds out that my insurance does cover the test. So thanks for jumping to conclusions. It turns out she does not have the flu (thank god) And I think Dr. Ass should re-think his career, oh and you’re pretty creepy!